All Things Chia

Every year during the holiday season commercials for Chia Pets seem to play at nearly 30-second intervals on almost all broadcast TV stations. I don't get it.  I have been seeing commercials for this stupid thing since I was like 5 or 6 years old and not once have I had the urge to go out to the store and buy one of these things. Who the hell buys these things anyway?

They come in animal shapes, cartoon characters, and even a Christmas tree shape.  How festive.  They even came up with the Chia Herb Garden to spice things up a bit. Ugh. Having a cheap piece of pottery and then spreading mud-like seeds onto it seems does not sounds like a fun activity no matter how bored you are or how sad and meaningless your life is. If I wanted to take up botany I'd buy real plants or flowers and "watch them grow".

This Chia thing is stupid. They must be successful though since they have lasted this long.  And I'm sure the creator is rolling in millions at this point. But really, who the hell buys these things? I highly doubt children would want one of these for Christmas.  It seems like a whole lot of time and work for something that you'll end up throwing out anyway. It's barely a step above Sea Monkeys.

I have never seen one at a friend's house or at any of my relatives places. If I ever did I'd smack them upside the head and disown them right then and there (right after I knocked over whatever Chia crap they had onto the floor).

As if the whole concept of this thing could not get any more ridiculous they have just invented, wait for it-CHIA GRASS!  FOR PETS!  I just saw the commercial this evening and thought "You cannot be serious."  So instead of growing  your own "fur" for your pottery animal or fresh herbs, you can grow grass for your pets to eat so they'll avoid the plants you actually care about.  Talk about thinking outside the box.  I'm sure the guys who thought this one up were patting themselves on the shoulders for such a groundbreaking and novel concept.  This one will probably sell by the thousands if not millions by year's end.

Seriously, I can't wait for the holidays to end so the endless rotation of Chia Pet commercials will end. Ch-Ch-Ch-CHIA! Argh!

Best Wedding Ever 2008 (Or as I jokingly referred to it prior to the wedding... Wedding Fiasco 2008!)

Here is the photo montage I did for my sister's wedding on November 15, 2008.  It's not as spectacular as a Tecson one, but I think I did a pretty good job.  Who knew touching up photos would take so long...sheesh!  Enjoy!



Part 1




Part 2

Halloween 2008

So my roommate decided to throw a Halloween party at our apartment the week prior to Halloween.  It was a Wizard of Oz theme party so he had a bunch of people dress up as the characters from the movie.  Anyway I've been back and forth from LA and San Diego for the past few months. On arriving back to LA prior to the party I asked my roomie what characters were left. He said there wasn't anyone dressing up as the Tin Man. 

 "Crap...I just stuck with one of the harder ones!  Curses!", I thought.  Oh well.  So I had a few days to put it together. Basically I took my old Optimus Prime costume, an oil change funnel from Home Depot, and an old wooden toy axe I found and spray-painted the hell out them a gleaming silver!  And I think it came out pretty cool!

Triumph!

I was home last weekend to attend my sister's friend's baby shower. Baby shower?!?! I still cannot believe I'm at the age where everyone is getting married, settling down, and poppin' out babies. It's disgusting. Anyway I had gone shopping with my beloved mother for a few things that I needed since I moved into my new apartment. I needed a new toaster oven, some groceries, maybe a small TV since I was using my old roommates set before.

We went to the Naval Base Exchange which is the equivalent of a cross between Target and Macy's, but without any sales tax.

For some reason my mother insisted on getting me an electric toothbrush. She said at first she didn't like it because of her imbalance and the ringing in her ears she gets, the vibrating toothbrush bothered her. Not to mention her equilibrium. But she got used to it apparently and was sining its praises.

129.99 for The Oral-B TRIUMPH. I can get a regular toothbrush for like 3 or 4 dollars and I'm gonna spend over a hundred dollars for "cleaner teeth". Are you kidding me with this? Not only does it vibrate, but it also has 4 different settings, Clean, Soft, Polish, Massage, proudly shonw on its digital display. I am wary of anything battery powered or electrical going into my mouth for any reason.  How lazy has America gotten where its own people can't even make a back-and-forth motion with their arms to brush their teeth. I relented and said fine I'll just get one. Cleaner teeth means less risk for gum disease, tooth decay, and cavities. Right...

At first I did not know what I was doing. I already felt like I was in a Saturday Night Live commercial parody when I put toothpaste on it and turned it on to start brushing and it starting flinging the paste all over my mouth. Yeah this is making my life so much easier.

Most of my evenings now are spent BRUSHING. I am slowly getting addicted to it. At the 2 minute mark a smiley face appears on the digital display to note that you've brushed for an ample amount of time. But no no. I refuse. I go past that time stamp and keep on going.

It makes my gums feel a bit weird and numb.  But hey good oral health is next to godliness.

Fernius Maximus

The Fernius Maximus is a rare breed of male that enjoys drinking. Here we see the it in it's natural habitat, the gay club or also know in some circles as "some fag joint".

At the onset of the night said male goes in search of its favorite nourishment of alcohol and more alcohol.




As the night progresses the Fernius begins its mating dance.




He then goes from mate to mate in order to initiate a ritual to procreate.



The Fernius Maximus is almost at the full intoxication level. Reddening in the face has reached fully capacity as well as obnoxious and irritating behavior.




Finally the male attempts to impregnate it's intended mate but fails.

I Love Robyn!

This past Saturday I had the privilege of getting to see Swedish pop star Robyn perform at the Troubadour. My friend Michelle had told me about in January, but to our dismay tickets were already sold out! Waaaah! But a couple weeks ago she found tickets on Stubhub and we ended up paying a ridiculous amount to go to the show. BUT it was well worth it! Robyn puts on one of THE best and most entertaining live shows. There were no special theatrics or dancing really. Just good ol' fashioned fun pop songs provided by an amazing voice. It's too bad she isn't bigger in the US right now. She has a remix of Snoop Dogg's song "Sexual Erruption" and she did backing vocals for Britney's song "Piece of Me". But she doesn't have the same success here as she did back in the day.

Robyn had some hits in the late 90s with her album "Robyn is Here" like "Do You Know What It Takes" and "Do You Really Want Me". The most well known song from back then was probably "Show Me Love" which she did much to my delight. It was an "acoustic" version that started off with this drum beat that made the song unrecognizable at first. When she started singing though the crowd went wild.

The gays were seriously out in force that night. It was just one big group of guys in the front singing along, jumping up and down, and waving there hands in the air (and yes I was one of them..) I assumed she had a big gay following but it was pretty ridiculous. There was probably a 10 to 1 ratio of men to women. Haha!

Oh and of course there was no shortage of super obnoxious gays. Michelle and I had staked out our spot by leaning on the side of the bar in the back so we could see AND have easy access to drinks. But of course right before the show started a group of tall irritating guys decided to meet right in front of us. One of them even went to the bar and stood right in front of us to order drinks. I did not move an inch. This bitch did not think we were actually gonna move for him did he? Anyway he went to my right to order and of course he and his friends kept swarming. They kept hugging, saying "hi" to one another, and bumping into me and being totally annoying. We ended up having to move since the blocked our view. Bitches. It's times like these when I think "I really HATE LA gays..."

Luckily we found a spot on the side with a clear view and more space. Her set lasted an hour and we rocked out to all her new hits. Honestly I only knew 2 of her new songs but all of the songs I heard I liked. We even saw Perez Hilton as we left and of course all the gays kept making comments like "whatever he's so ugly" and "He's fat!". I agree he's gross and irritating but man the gays were relentless!

Anyway I love Robyn even more than I did before after seeing this show. I'm in the process of illegally downloading her new stuff right now!

WHY Do I like NLT?

For a while I had been hearing this song on KIIS FM and thought it was a pretty cool mid-tempo jam (do people still say jam?). In an effort to stay eternally cool and young I went on a quest to learn all things about this new group and be hip and "down" with today's music. I finally learned the song was called "She Said, I Said (Time We Let Go)" by some group called NLT. I guess since it was a Timbaland-produced track and you could hear his vocals in the song that the group was some new R&B group cause they sounded kinda Justin Timberlake-ish too.

So I looked them up at work to watch the video and lo and behold I found out they were a boy band. But to my surprise they were an all white group. Basically a white B2K (which isn't too far off since they're managed by B2k's former manager Chris Stokes). They can all dance well but they are NOT CUTE. They look all weird and kinda dorky. NLT stands for Not Like Them...Not Like Them?? More like NOT LIKE TIMBERLAKE! I mean their sound and dance moves are similar but they are far from being as hot as 'N Sync or Le Timberlake.


But of course in Fernie-fashion I am beginning to obsess and like this stupid group! Why have I been watching their videos and listening to them all day today? Sheer Boredom? Cause I like their clothes and dance moves? The drought of any fun music lately? Being gay and liking any and all pop groups or boybands? Probably a bit of all of the above. In any case take a listen if you dare. It's pure pop with a bit of the urban flavor mixed in. I'll be in bedroom tonight trying to copy their funky fresh moves...hahaha!

Things I keep watching thinking they will actually get better...

GOSSIP GIRL

I didn't think teen dramas could get any worse on television..but they did. I watched my first episode of Gossip Girl last week during the holidays and my, what a piece of garbage! Then the other night I watched again thinking all the while "WHY the hell am I still watching this??"

The acting is awful, the cast is really NOT that cute (other than that Ian Somerhalder look-alike Chace Crawford), and the storylines are a snooze and a half. There really isn't anything new or exciting about this show. It's just touted as a "hot show" because when you compare it to the crap that youngsters watch nowadays like The Hills, it's practically an Emmy award winning show. Oh and I'll probably be tuning in next week. Hey it's either that or playing Nintendo DS and I don't wanna feel like a total loser with nothing to do when I get home from work.


Britney's New Video "Piece Of Me"

For some reason I get obsessive-compulsive (...oh wait I AM obsessive-compulsive) and tend to do things that I myself think are pretty disturbing. For instance I watched the new Britney Spears video "Piece of Me" over 15 times at work in one sitting. Part of it was out of sheer boredom and I think part of it was also my way of mourning my once overwhelming fanaticism I had for all things Britney. What the hell happened to this poor girl and how did she and her label actually put out such an embarrassing video.

Did I think it would get better if I watched again and again? Or did I think there was something I was missing from the first several viewings? Nope. Still a crappy ass video. I would even IM and chat with a friend at mine at work and tell her "WHY do I keep watching this???" It is really unfortunate considering this girl USED TO put out some really hot videos when she a wasn't cracked-out mess.

So I spent the rest of the afternoon searching on Youtube for all her old videos and performances. Ms. Spears was never the best singer or dancer but she really did have great stage presence and could work it like nobody's business. Too bad now she's a big mess and on the road to a drug overdose or suicide. Someone needs to save this poor girl and soon.

JANICE DICKINSON MODELING AGENCY

I'll admit to watching this just to see all the hot male models, BUT I think secretly in the back of my mind I want something exciting or relevant to happen. Shit is pretty damn boring. You would think that a "reality" show about models living in the land of drugs, drama, and excess would be more exciting but it's almost as bad as The Hills and all that other crap they show constantly on MTV now.

Even Janice Dickinson's antics and bitchiness on the show is getting tired. It really isn't as fun as I thought it would be to watch. But since I don't have a life I keep on watching it. I should just stick to watching porn for mindless entertainment cause at least the hot men will make out and have sex with one another.